I did one of those Facebook lists of questions things (look here). And one question was “When was the last time you went to a romantic dinner?” Wow, that question should not have been so hard. So, I sat there, really thinking about it, straining my brain. It is embarrassing to say but the last romantic dinner I had, the last dinner I've had with a male, was about 6 or 7 years ago. YEARS … not weeks, not months but years.
I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one in this kind of dearth but in Part 2 of our discussion with Cynthia D'Amour, we had a great conversations about barriers to meeting the right guy.
Where do you go to meet men?
I have a bad habit. I go to work then I come home and go to work again (podcasting and blogging is hard work!). Weekends are no better. Online hasn't worked (trust me, I've tried … repeatedly). So what is a single girl to do????
We talked earlier about making a list of what you want in a relationship. For me, I would like him to be a trivia fan, and if he wasn't a cook, he at least had to love to eat. Cynthia suggested trivia nights, cooking classes, cooking stores, even meet-up groups for trivia and cooking. Go places where men who share my interests would be. It sounds obvious but it really wasn't to me (and you wonder why I'm still single).
Confidence is key!
Talk to me about my job or any professional arena and I'll give you confident. Heck, I'll give you so much confidence it borders on cockiness. I know my way around a kitchen, I do. I am a writer published and wrote a short film with a great cast. Boom, I'm all that AND a bag of chips! That is until you put me at a happy hour or anywhere else I might meet someone. Memories of that 13-year-old who was called “Black and ugly” come flooding back. The woman who has 100 pounds to lose is whispering in my ear about how “Fat and ugly” I am is chattering non-stop. I think I should probably head home and I do.
Loving All of You
Cynthia told me that her hard was breaking as I described 13-year-old Karyn. The solution she said was to love her. Love her completely and unconditionally because until I did, she'd always be there standing between me and what I truly want. It wasn't about forgetting her or stuffing her into the attic of my psyche, it was about love. The solution was to love her and show her another way, something more positive than the embarassment and hopelessness she lived in.
To Cougar or Not to Cougar?
Men have been doing it for centuries. Younger women often seek out older men. Older women and younger men though???? The times are a-changing. Women date younger now too and a number of younger men are seeking us out. How young is too young (if there is such a thing, I mean, beyond legal)? On the other hand, many women still prefer men their age or even older.
Have Dating Realities Changed Your Expectations?
I used to want to get married and have a child. The child-bearing years are over, so I thought maybe I'd just get married. Now, I'm questioning that. I mean, I haven't had a date in more than 5 years and the dates I have had have left a lot to be desired. Yet, Cynthia assured me that it isn't too late for me. It's never too late.
Fun. Feisty. Fabulous episode: Get Offline and Go Out, Part 2
Got ITunes? Listen to Be the Get Offline and Go Out, Part 2 on the Fun. Feisty. Fabulous! podcast page.