Normally, when we talk about the ‘F' word, we aren't talking about anything positive. Yet, we are reclaiming ‘F' words and doing it with style, finesse, intelligence and grace!
Fun. Feisty. Fabulous! is all about helping women who have crossed over the 40-year-old threshold make the most of their lives. A funny thing happens when you surpass the Big 4-0, you realize that nothing really changes. You are still smart. You are still successful. You are still attractive. You are still sexy. Basically, you are full of life and ready to live it!
Through the blog, the podcast, and courses, Fun. Feisty. Fabulous! helps professional 40+ have fun, own their feisty and celebrate their fabulous!
Remember when you were younger and you thought that 40, 50 or gasp even older was ancient? Remember when you thought adulthood was all about responsibility and being oh-so-serious all the time? Now you know just how wrong all of that was. You are never too old to laugh or have a good time. There is no age limit on spunkiness and speaking your mind. And of course, the secret of getting older, is that you gain self-acceptance and you learn just how amazing you are.
You need a dose of fun, feisty, fabulousness in your life. Here’s why.
I remember as a little girl, I thought that growing up meant getting serious. You didn’t laugh much. You didn’t get goofy. You didn’t have silly crushes on boys or laugh til you cried with your besties. Adulthood was serious business! And serious business meant no fun!
Well, now that I’ve been an adult longer than I’ve been a child, I can say that my childhood view wasn’t exactly right (but it wasn’t exactly wrong either). I still laugh. I’m still goofy. I have had silly crushes and I laugh til I cry on a regular basis with my silly, goofy best friends.
On the other hand, there is a lot to be serious about as an adult. Work, workplace drama, home, kids, bills, school (for your children or you), caring for family members and oh so much more! I’ve met some adults who have let the stress and the worry of everyday squeeze almost all of the joy out of their lives. How sad!
Yes, a degree of gravitas is required. We have a lot to handle and most of it isn’t fun … but some of it is.
Before I continue, let me define what I mean by ‘fun’. You don’t have to go to a comedy club or binge watch episodes of Modern Family to have fun. Fun, like much of life, is what you make of it. Fun could be a nap, a bubble bath, karaoke, a cooking class, a nice vacation or a weekend getaway, trying new restaurants, playing with the kids or grandkids, even time with a pet, binge watching your favorite show, a nice drive into the country, shopping. Do you get it. Fun is made up of things you can enjoy for yourself, things that give you peace and relaxation.
Fun is also a state of mind. It involves taking a step back and finding the humor in everyday life. Seriousness is often required but we don’t have to be so serious about every little thing. I remember a weekend I spent in Virginia Beach. It was so nice and so relaxing that I didn’t want to leave. I spent the last hour walking on the beach before I drove back to Maryland. I noticed the skies darkening but I just wanted a few more minutes. Sure, people were heading for shelter. I left the beach and walked up to the boardwalk but I just wasn’t ready for it to end.
Then it started raining, I mean, really raining. People were running inside. Me? I continued to walk outside. I actually had fun, drenched in rain while walking on the boardwalk. I glanced at a few people who were looking incredulously at the crazy woman walking on the beach. But I didn’t care. The sea air smelled even better and at the end of the day, it still beat being cooped up in my apartment back home. As I approached my car, I was happy, really happy. Now when I think back to my happiest moments, walking on the boardwalk in Virginia Beach on a really rainy day is one of them.
A lot of people would have run off of the beach disappointed and even a little angry at the rain. They would have been stressed. Maybe walking in the rain wasn’t their thing but maybe they could have found something enjoyable to do inside while they passed the time. My point is something like rain on the beach doesn’t have to be a miserable experience. It only is if you make it so.
You probably need more fun in your life, so let’s find some ways to put it there!
To me, this is one of the pluses of aging. If you are anything like me, when you were younger, you were worried about rocking the boat. You took on more responsibility and obligation than you should have because you, for whatever reason, didn’t speak up for yourself.
However, the older you get, the more you realize that it is okay to rock the boat. In fact, sometimes it is necessary to rock the boat.
In my case, as a former chronic people pleaser, I was afraid to say ‘no’. What would people say? More importantly, what would they think about me? Wouldn’t they be upset if I denied their request? So I kept saying, yes. My workload increased along with my stress load. It was in this circumstance that I accepted a freelance work assignment. It was a sizeable assignment and the deadline was tight.
I spent several very late nights (on a work night, no less) working on this project. It was 2:00 a.m. on that last night that I had an epiphany. The woman that hired me probably wasn’t up. My boss and co-workers at my job weren’t up. Only I was up working and that was because I couldn’t say no.
I finished the project on time. My client was grateful. As I turned it in, I told her that this was a lot of work in a short time frame. In the future, I would have to charge more for the tight turnaround. For this people-pleaser, it was a victory.
I realized over time that when I asked someone for a favor, I knew there was a chance that they might say no. And if they did? The world didn’t end. The relationship wasn’t ruined. A no was just a no.
As I got older my people-pleasing was replaced with a healthy dose of feistiness. Speaking up for myself was a big part of it; confidence was another big part of it. With more experiences, successes and failures that I learned from, I got more confident. I was less gullible and more sure of myself.
Over time, I became more confident and outspoken. I became more comfortable being me and expressing myself. I also became less concerned with what other people thought about me. I realized that everyone didn’t have to like me. It was okay. In fact, there were certain people who I didn’t need to like me at all! This former shrinking violet is a
Feistiness is often a benefit of age, you know who you are and will protect yourself against anyone or anything who challenges that. You know what you want and you aren’t afraid to ask for it, demand it or go after it.
There was a study conducted by Dove a while back and it listed a number of words and asked women if they felt comfortable having their physical appearance being described that way. The list included words like pretty, cute, average, agreeable and beautiful. Of all of the words listed, the majority of women did not feel comfortable being called ‘beautiful’. In fact, in many cases, it made them downright uncomfortable.
It saddens me to think that so many women do not see the beauty in their own appearance, however, I also understand why. We live in a world where a Size 0 is the goal, a lack of a thigh gap is met with abject horror and where models and actresses are only beautiful if they are size 2s or 4s, under 30, with high cheekbones and flowing locks. Sure, some things are changes but very slowly.
I like the term fabulous because it goes beyond the surface of a physical appearance. Fabulous encompasses the personality and essence of a woman. You don’t have to conform to society’s narrow definition of beauty to be fabulous.
Honestly, when I think of fabulous, I think of Carol Channing in Hello Dolly. There were more ‘beautiful’ actresses, there were others with stronger and better voices, but Carol Channing exuded personality and energy. She was fabulous because she was Carol Channing and succeeded at being Carol Channing. Even though there have been revivals of the show with different actresses as Dolly the role will forever belong to Carol Channing. She will own it because she infused the role with her unique brand of fabulous!
Your fabulous is comprised of the things that make you you. The combination is different for every woman, as it should be. So, what makes you fabulous?
My fabulous is about my quirky sense of humor, my wit, my intelligence, my creativity, my compassion for others, my love of dogs and my talents for writing, cooking and speaking. I can talk about my wit and my intelligence without boosting or conceit. I have grown to accept, own and love these parts of myself and I won’t apologize for it.
Think about the things that set you apart… Notice, that I didn’t include any roles (mother, wife, manager, professional). Your fabulous lies in who you are at your essence and not what you do. Consider your personal traits and talents. Remember all of the things you have overcome and learned. This, my dear, is your fabulous. Embrace it!
Fun. Feisty. Fabulous! is the place to come to celebrate you, right now. You are more than menopause, reading glasses and impending retirement. Forget about being over the hill and accept the truth that there is no hill at all just wide open space before you waiting and aching to be conquered. Everything you have done, learned and experienced has brought you to right now. This is the time. This is your time. This is your time to shine!