- A nice guy asked me out on a date. When the time came, I got in the car and asked where we were going for dinner. He told me that it was up to me. And so it was for the few dates we went on, he just wanted to go with my flow (all the time).
- A boyfriend broke a vase of mine. After a few weeks, I noticed it was gone. He fessed up to breaking it but told me that he didn’t tell me when it happened because I might be mad.
- I didn’t date several men because they suggested that I should do the pursuing, wining and dining and they would let me.
According to Elliott Katz, these are all examples of men who have lost their way. They are not the strong man that Elliott Katz discusses in his book, Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being Man.
A strong man, according to Katz, isn’t a control freak or a club-carrying Neanderthal. He also isn’t a milquetoast doormat. He is something in the middle, an assertive leader, capable of making decisions and taking charge.
As a woman, I can see where this could seem a little too old-school or even offense concept at first. But wait.
We are talking about a man capable of leading. This does not mean bullying or dictating. It means that he can take the initiative to solve a problem or make a decision. It means he acts as an adult and not like another child who patiently awaits your instructions.
Let’s look at how a ‘strong man’ would approach the situations I described at the beginning.
My date would have showed up having planned our date. He would suggest a restaurant or a movie. If I were allergic to the smell of seafood or had seen that movie, we could alter that plan and do something else. At least, he had shown that he had put some thought into our date and actually planned something.
It is not like I’m a violent or unpredictable hot head. My boyfriend could have admitted that he broke the vase when it happened and taken steps to replace it.
I’m old-fashioned. I want a man to put the effort into pursuing me. This doesn’t mean I won’t plan some dates but I want to be seen as someone he values and is considerate of.
We determined that nice was good, but passive posed a problem. A man should be an equal not a child or an employee to her vice president. If you think about it, think about the resentment, frustration and resentment that you feel when you must do everything, make every decision, generate every idea while he sits back and lets you. I don’t know about you, but I can’t respect a man incapable of deciding or doing anything without my permission or instruction.